Wow... It's been a while!

Okay. SO I'm sure you're thinking, "Why in the world have you not posted in ....uh... FOREVER?" I got busy. Shortly, and I mean shortly after the last post, I was given information that I'd be able to PORT CALL and meet Trent overseas.... BUT I had to leave in a week. SURPRISE! Needless to say - as hectic as it was - I'd do it all over again.

To bring you up to date without writing a novel - I'll list the events as they have happened eh... the beginning of October.

You might want to sit down for this!

1.) Port Call Option with 7 days to drive the kids to Charleston, SHOP, PACK, oh - and maybe buy a ticket and reserve a hotel!
2.) Sewer back-up that leads to all of the water pipes throughout the house and into the front yard....BURST.
3.) Fly to Scotland and have the time of the life with the man of my life!
4.) Strip searched in the Glasgow Airport... Okay - maybe exaggerating a little bit, but I was wearing leggings, a fitted tank, with a Cashmere flowy sweater over it - THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN TAKEN OFF.... If I was hiding something I'm not really sure where they thought it was!
5.) Return to my house STILL not repaired and home full of VISIBLE MOLD.
6.) Stuck in the N'easter Storm that hit Jersey and couldn't go get my kids - and oh how I missed them!
7.) Still homeless and on the house hunt!

So this is where I've been the past few weeks!

I love you Trent, but seriously deployment SUCKS!


Your wife,

Mrs. Parrish

Ugh....

So the WORST part about deployment? Not being able to talk about ANYTHING that matters. I mean, I journal, every now and then when the emotional side of me can't handle the reality side of things. And as it lessens the blow, it NEVER makes you feel completely better. I wish I had somewhere I could just blast to the world everything that I know, don't know, want to know, etc.... with no reprecutions.... We both now that will never be possible. I need an outlet. Thank God for Navy Wives. I don't know where I'd be without some of these women.

 

The next 2.5 weeks of my life are going to be a whirlwind for so many different reasons. I need a stress relief, and a magic wand. Yea, a magic wand would be FANTASTIC. (Deep Sigh)

 

Weezer woke up tonight crying out for her daddy. Talk about a an awful feeling? It took a while to calm her down - she obviously had had a bad dream. And I definately was NOT what she wanted. Poor kid. I don't even know how to explain to them how much longer it truly will be before he gets back home. The thought of this is making me cry as I type. They still have such a long time to go and it's getting tougher on them as the weeks go by.... A skype date would be nice. There is NO telling when that will be. Oh, the joys of silent service. Weez asked for her "Daddy's" book (the book that Trent recorded for the twins) - once we listened to that twice. She wanted to see his picture. Or in her words, "Mom-Mom, Can we see Daddy's face in da pit-ture?" We went through an album of pictures on facebook (Yes, it was THAT readily available), and within ten minutes she was passed back out. I've been trying to record the kids alot lately for you, sweet husband. Check this video out.

 

She loves and misses you daddy. Can't wait to watch her light up at the sound of your voice. Looking forward to that day - whenever it shall be.

 

Love you,

Momma

Eloise

Mills

 

 



CPO

Whew. Let's see if I can actually get everything out tonight, Trent. The email you sent for today was so special. Sometimes, I'm convinced you are just a dream. But everytime I open my eyes, you are still my reality. ( I know, BARF, ya'll. It's true, though!)

 

Just one of the few pictures from "pinning" day.

 

One year ago today, the day you put on your anchors. Oh dear, I'm already crying. This day changed your life, changed your career, it changed everything. We've been through alot of changes since you put on your anchors, but one thing it has NOT changed is the man who earned them. I treasure that about you. I remember that day like it was yesterday - you had been up all night, doing god knows what, "earning" those anchors, just as you had been the 6 weeks prior. You were exhausted and bruised. I was so nervous walking into that auditorium. Was I dressed appropriately? Would I be able to get the anchor's straight on your collar? AGH - just thinking about it makes me remember those nerves! And Kasie Roach - gosh, she was a rockstar. SO helpful.  And man, did I cry like a little girl (as always) as you walked away a Chief. So proud of you. So so proud to be your wife. It was a fantastic day. We went to lunch and you slept the rest of the day away until your "I did it!" party at Poe's Tavern - our spot.

Poe's Tavern - look how tired you still looked. I love this picture of us.

 

We had always talked about getting married. I knew from the moment we met - I was going to marry you. I remember our first "official" date and how you told me you WERE going to marry me. It wasn't but a few weeks later you were notified that you were a CPO selectee, and the 6 weeks of "fun" started. You were so focused and dedicated to being successful. I learned alot from you during this time and alot about myself. We went through some tough times and came out stronger... together. You worked so hard to achieve goals that to most seemed impossible. It was such a special time in your life. It will always be one of my "top of the list's" memories. It was this night at Poe's - after this milestone - that I realized the adventure I was about to embark on...

 

The email you wrote for tonight blew me away.

Just an excerpt...

 

"You should get this email around the 16th of September. You know the resemblence of this day. It was the epitome of my naval career, but at the same time it was the beginning of the "hell of the boat". The reason I bring this up is, you pushed me through transition season.  You were my motivation and my drive... just like you are now.  This is the hardest time of my life being away from you.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I know you. You hate this life right know and despite how it sounds, tbe fact that you are pushing through says you love me more than anything in this world. That is the best feeling known to man.  Our love is like none other than I have ever seen.  It is that love that couples aspire to have. We have it... "

 

You are wrong. I love this life. I can't imagine living any other life than this. I wouldn't want it any other way. Of course Sea Duty is hard, but if it was easy - everyone would be doing it. This is making us stronger, more experienced, and dare I say, fall that much more in love with each other. You are protecting our family and protecting this country. Your service is honorable and as hard/difficult as it can be at times, I will always be here supporting you.  This time in our lives is hard. I hate being away from you more than you will ever know. I miss our conversations. I miss your smile. I miss your prescence. (honestly right now - i just miss your up-to-date emails - come on already!) I love you more than anything, Trent. This is God's plan. And we both know His plan is much better than our own. You are literally 'pulling' me through this deployment. You are bringing me through with your love. Eh, well the cards are nice too, and the book... Okay and the emails.... Let's just say - your love surrounds me on a daily basis. I can't wait to be at the end of this - so we can look back and say "We spanked the dirty d-words BUTT!" Dare I say, we might even be thankful when all is said and done. Okay - I can't go that far. Not yet!

 

So now that I've documented this day - I can write you the email I've been wanting to write since I started this blog post. I can't let these 'crazies' in on all our conversations.  Get ready, babe. I'm a hotmess. It's sure to be filled with more than enough emotion. ;-)

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE NEW CHIEFS!

HONOR, COURAGE, & COMMITMENT

 

 



Sweet Weez

Trent.

I've been having a "trying" couple of days lately.  I've just felt so overwhelmed and not quite sure why. I haven't been able to pinpoint it yet. So I was having what I thought was a private "mini" meltdown tonight - yes, the ugly cry, because when I'm done, I feel SO much better - until Eloise appeared at the bottom of the stairs. I waited until after I'd put them to bed and thought they were asleep. Much to my surprise, Weez was still up. The conversation went a little like this:

Weez: Mommy, why you crying so bad?
Me: Well, Mommy misses Daddy is all. It's been a long day for Mommy - it's okay, Weezy.
Weez: Its going to be ok - daddy's boat is coming back. He always comes back. No cry so hard, mommy.
Me: I know, Weez. My heart already feels better.
Weez: Daddy loves you, Mommy. Don't cry. He's coming back.
Me: I love you baby, thank you for making mommy feel better....
Weez: It's okay. I still love you too.

Baby. She blew me out of the water tonight. I didn't want to forget that conversation which is why I'm "blogging" it for you. I am so lucky to have her as a daughter. She is always so positive about everything. I hope she never loses her positive heart - it is beyond beautiful, even when she's in trouble. Which lately? She has been. We are so blessed to have such incredible children. We love you tonight, and miss you bunches. But like Weezy said, You're coming back and it's just a matter of time....



Love you forever, and then some....
Me.

BBSMF

Okay, yea. I'm sure your wondering what the title of this blog actually means. Trent, I'm sure you are wondering too, however at this point in our relationship you should already have become knowledgeable of this term.

BBSMF is truly a term of endearment. It cannot be used in any ordinary situation. 

B - Bestie

B - Boo

S - Sister

M - Momma

F - Friend

There are PLENTY more picture of us - but you get the "gist" =)

Okay, I know we aren't in high school anymore. But if you knew the story of how this lady and I became BBSMF's you'd understand. I know you know, where I'm going with this Trent. Just be patient. ;-) 

I have the greatest friend a girl could ask for. She's been there through EVERYTHING, and the situations, haven't always been "inviting". We are joined by extremely "hard to understand" (or so we are told) life events. We have children that are siblings.  We didn't know each other prior to all of our children being born, but you'd think we had been friends since the schoolyards. She is my bestie. She is my Boo. She is my sister. In most situations, she is my momma. But she is and will always be my best friend. She is the one I cry too when all S&*^ hits the fan, she is the one I call to laugh with, and no matter how much time goes by between hearing her voice/seeing her - I think about her everyday. When we are blessed to have the time to chit-chat (aka: listen to me cry) or see each other, it's as if time has never passed. She's strong, smart, beyond kind, funny, and absolutely adorable with her "tervis" (Dt. Cherry Pepsi) in hand... (at all times). I couldn't have asked for a better soulmate. 

 

When Trent and I started dating, he knew that Kacey would be the one to "win over" or it was a no-go. Of course, the mom, the brother, the family - - but everyone knows, if the BF doesn't like him? He ain't staying. He has ALWAYS respected the relationship that I have with her and he even thinks she's kinda cool... (He had better!) Anyhow, it only makes since why he chose her to bless me during this "silent" time apart from each other. When Trent is gone, I thrive on his e-mails. I wait for them on the daily - they are my life source when he is gone. During this deployment, the majority of our communication has been cut off... completely, and for VERY long periods of time. My first initial thought was, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" (Selfish, I know) SO,  He decided then that he wasn't going to disappear completely.... 

Today I recieved an email, from Trent - from Kacey (my BBSMF). Trent pre-wrote more than a few emails for her to send to me at specific times during this silent period. Even though I know they are not "current" and "up to date" - they are from him. I cannot control when they come, I can't open them all at once. They all have a purpose. He chose my BF to be the deliver-er of these messages and that makes me fall in love even more than before (If that was even possible)

Here is an excerpt from my first "silent" email:

 This is email one.  I miss you like crazy.  I know this time is going to suck, but I know we can push through it and I am looking forward to seeing you before you know it.  I hate this as much as you do, I promise. ............... want to cuddle with you. Well I will get you another email, before you know it! 

I love you
Trent

Of course there is plenty I'm NOT going to share - - besides.... who needs a sobfest?!  


KACEY. Thank you for blessing me with your friendship today, and everyday. I'm so grateful to have a friend, that not only supports me, but loves me like family. I, too, hope to be the friend to you that you have always been for me. Besides, you're stuck with me.... Got it?!

Trent - You are incredible. Thank you for going the extra mile and preparing the way for me to "get through" this crappy part of this "adventure". And you better thank your lucky stars that my BBSMF came up with this idea to share with you. (wink wink) I love you baby. Can't wait to read the next one! Because it means I'm one more day closer to being with you!



"Life ain't always beautiful, but's it a beautiful ride."

A. Parrish

"Do it like a Submarine"

This is too precious not to share!

And baby, I can't wait for you to be able to see this!

We've spent ALOT of time at the pool lately, visiting home in Charleston. For those of you that don't know, Mills is OBSESSED with his daddy's submarine. It's the coolest thing EVER. He has a submarine toy, a submarine on his croc's, everytime we talk about daddy, there is a submarine in the conversation. He is so proud of his daddy.... and his submarine. LOL. It warms my heart and I know, Trent is makes your heart burn with pride. He loves you so much. You are the most incredible father. We are so blessed to be loved so greatly by you. ANYHOW - this was our most recent "submarine" moment!

Listen to him say, "Submarine" - - So sweet. 

Eloise is hysterical - she was wearing double floaties because she was trying to swim like a mermaid - all up in the video's business! Goodness....

Le sigh.... going through the motions....

So. A brief overview of what's been going on before I jump in and "LOSE MYSELF" in this so-called therapeutic blog. I'm in Charleston visiting family/friends. I came down last Thursday and have honestly had such a great time being here. Typically coming home when Trent is out to sea is very difficult for me. I miss being in our home where his stuff is and where the pictures of us have vomitted all over our walls... However, this time around, it's been relaxing, helped pass the time, and has been healing for the soul. We plan on staying for a few more days before it's back to reality, but I see another trip very near in the future for the Parrish Family.

Ah. Home Sweet Home.

That being said, DEPLOYMENT SUCKS. I'm completely OVER it, and we aren't even halfway there... I know. I am just having a bad day and this too shall pass. But right now in this moment - I REALLY wish I could throw something at that IRON VESSEL. Okay - maybe not, but if I could dream it, that would be fantastic. Or how about this for starters, I'd just like a good dream. I haven't slept good in over a MONTH. I'm exhausted, sad, and REALLY hangry. My mother has been a godsend. Just having her help the past few days has been almost life changing. Oh what would I do with out my MOM?! 

Trent, 

The days are sllloooowwwwwly dragging by. As I sit here and type through the tears, all I can see is your SHAVED head in my mind. You have officially been gone longer than you ever have before. I don't even know why I cry anymore. I know it's my reality that you aren't here, you won't be here, and it's just life right now. I know its "sad", and somedays I just can't help but cry. It's unbelievably frustrating. I cannot wait to live a "normal" life where trying to get pregnant is fun, deciding what's for dinner becomes a problem, flipping a coin to decide what we do for the weekend is the result of an argument (lol), watching you fall asleep just before your show starts because you are exhausted, and waking up to your alarm to go to work only to kiss you, help you out the door and fall back asleep before the twins wake up again. At least that's OUR normal. I have been thinking about you nonstop. I don't even know what time of day you are in, whether you are sleeping, working, doing paperwork, thinking about us.... This whole life is discombobulating. I think about you going to bed in your rack....alone. I just want to hold you, squeeze you tight and remind you of how great of a man you truly are. You are so loved, husband. So, so loved. I've really enjoyed being home this time around, yet hanging with our married friends down here is still hard. The questions suck. I hate that I can't truly explain our life/lifestyle in terms that they can understand. I wish so badly to come back with you by my side. You always make things easy. You take all my worries away. I haven't heard from you for a while now, which means I won't for a LONG while now. I miss the thought that the next time I hear you, much less communicate with you is months away. I cannot wait for that day. Small victories lead to greatly won battles, right? Isn't that what you told me...? Ok, it was something like that. I'm snuggling up to your shirt tonight, it doesn't stink anymore =(, but I know you were the last one to be wrapped up in it and that makes all the difference. Even though tonight was a bad night, and the tears have fallen like a late summer rainstorm, I know tomorrow is a new day, and I cannot wait for it to start, good or bad. It's just one day closer to you. And that? That I am okay with. 

I love you. I miss you. Meet me in my dreams, sailor. I really need a good dream. ;-)

Your wife -

Mrs. Parrish

 

 

This song has been on repeat in my brain for days...

 

 

 

Being able to skype Trent - gah - just see him. Which by the way, Trent shaved his head. Upon seeing him for the first time via skype - All I could do was cry. I know that deployment is going to change us both and is changing us right now as well. I guess I just wasn't prepared to look at him with no hair.... I cried. And I cry every time his face pops up on that screen. With no hair. Anyway. I'm done with deployment. I'm done being sad, and putting on a front like everything is okay. We aren't even close to being halfway done with this deployment. Ugh. Blogging is getting harder. I feel most nights, I'm incapable of getting my true feelings. ideas, thoughts, etc out of my head/heart and on to paper (or in this case - the cpu screen)

So tonight, I leave you with this song, as it plays in my head....

 

I love you husband, friend, and keeper of my heart. I miss you even though I'll skype you again soon....

 

Mrs. Parrish

 

Tonight I am filled with so many different emotions. I've been able to "Skype" with him more than a few times in the past 24 hours. The wifi connection is crappy - when we "video chat", I can hear him, yet he cannot hear me - the picture's fuzzy - and we get disconnected more than we are able to connect. But the moment that man's face comes on that screen, and I see that sweet smirk - I can't help but smile and melt back into my chair. It doesn't matter that he can't hear me - It doesn't matter how long the picture lasts - that moment will always be worth it time and time again. The last few days leading up to the last 24 hours - were .... ROUGH. When Trent is away, it seems that when S*#& hits the fan - the fan is on Nascar speed and in a flash, it looks like monkey's playing in their poop. (Ok- maybe a little too vivid...)

I'm so lucky to be so in love. I'm beyond blessed to have found the ultimate soulmate. I can't believe "hero's" truly do exist. As Mills' likes to say: "My daddy, he is da 'soopa-hero'. He and his big 'ole sub-mawine." I agree.... such a smart boy. We didn't even put these idea's in his head - just one day out of nowhere ... ah. sweet boy. Smart boy.

As hard as it is to see him, and not be able to touch him, kiss him, my word - just SMELL him -(Nevermind the stinky, smelly NWU undershirts I've been sleeping with for weeks. That boat smell is beyond delicious at this point.) I will always take the crappy skype 'dates'.

I know my thoughts are random and somewhat insignificant to most of those probably following along with me in this journey. Trent asked me to blog tonight - and this was the end result. In conclusion, I'm relieved, I'm exhausted, I'm blessed, and I am loved by someone that even in my wildest dreams could have dreamed up....

Mr. P - I know our conversations have consisted of alot of tears, emotions, laughing, and well, let's face it more tears in the past 24 hours. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. And before, I destroy our computer with these salty tears, let me say - that I will always be here waiting for your safe return with the biggest smile on my face, decorated with mascara droplets (of course), and a heart that beams with pride and undying love. OH MY WORD. I love you!


Me. <3

He truly is always there when I need him the most. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

 

 

 

Heard his voice, reassured by his love, and holding onto his heart.

 

 

 

 



Just another day in paradise.... lol

Trent McCary Parrish. 

Today, was a day. A bad day. One of plenty more that are to come, I am sure. Today I missed our companionship. I missed you not coming home from work today, in those "stank" NWU's. I missed you taking off  your work boots and socks and leaving them throughout the living room floor. I absolutely hate it when you don't hang your uniform's up and I end up picking things up behind you, night after night.... Oh and the towel. (What is it with guys and hanging up their towels?!) I missed you falling asleep JUST after you'd finished your dinner. Most of all, (and completely off track from the routine I'm describing) I missed being able to run through my horrible, no good, very bad day with you. Today SUCKED. Of course I went through my "process" of being angry with you, then being sad, then being frustrated and now.... just, ugh Blah.  It's just one of those days where the "prayer" gets recited through my head more than one time.

I couldn't have imagined a more stressful day, filled with more bull-crap than today. I definitely didn't wake up expecting this to have been my reality. Drama, exhaustion, a failed attempt (twice) to the gym, etc.... I'm proud to say this day is over and I didn't sell any children to the gypsy's, my head is still fully intact and on straight, even though I have a headache - Vitamin "M" was able to recover the damages, and I'm pretty sure tomorrow could NOT get any worse than today was..... (knock on wood) I'm going to bed, leaving today exactly where it is and moving on, and listening to your heart inside of mine telling me - - "It's okay, it's over, let it go..."

I miss you. I miss you more than I am possibly able to describe. I long to hear your voice, hold your hand, even just talk the 'weather'. I'm not mad at you anymore. HA! By the time, you read this - it will be weeks later and you won't even have known. One of the many perks of deployment. ;-) Although this post is short and scattered, I'm not quite ready for the full on "break-down" post that is clearly upon the horizon. Get ready, peoples. It should be interesting! 

I miss you, friend. Tomorrow will be better. We are one more day closer to being done. I'm proud to be your wife, even on the bad days. 

Mrs. Parrish

Strength

Obviously, I have been pretty busy the past few days and haven't had the time to 'post'. It really isn't that I haven't had the time - more of, that when the time comes, I'm exhausted. Like, I got in the bed with socks on, never took them off, and passed out with them on, kinda tired.. If  YOU can sleep with socks on your feet, we have bigger problems than originally considered. (I just shuttered in disgust.) It's always easiest for me to be busy when T leaves. The days pass by quicker than the norm when my schedule is filled. HOWEVER, the lack of sleep has killed me. I'm literally sitting up straight in bed as I type this. (Shaking my head) - Have mercccy.  Email was non-existent this past week. However, by the weekend, I started recieving a few here and there.

I honestly believe that one of the hardest things about a deployment is gearing up and getting ready for the seperation. The emotional roller coaster of "what's to come" and "how will I feel", "did I get everything taken care of - for him, for me, for us, for the kids, for the house, the bills, the Power of Attorny", "am I mad at him?", "why him, why us" .... etc...  This time was so HARD for me. From the moment we found out he was deploying until the day he left, I was like a ticking time bomb. My poor husband, now that's LOVE. Nothing about a deployment is easy. EXCEPT for the HOMECOMING. That WILL be easy. I'm confident in that. This job, a military spouse, is not for the weak. It requires a strength like no other.  A strength, when at times when preparing for this deployment, I wasn't sure I possessed. I know I'm a strong woman, but how strong? There are even moments now, when that strength seems to be missing.

Yesterday, towards the end of the day - I started to get that feeling. You know, that feeling, girls. The one deep down in the pit of your heart, when you aren't sure if the tears are going to surface or not. It takes your breath away and you instantly feel alone, helpless, and in dire need of a good helping of good chocolate. Well, I can't have chocolate right now, cause I'm trying to be the BIGGEST LOSER! So I went through the card pile that Trent left for me, for specific moments like this.

"For you and the kids before bedtime"

"When the weather has you down"

"Open when it is raining"

"When you are feeling Patriotic"

"When we feel worlds apart"

"When you find yourself counting the days"

"When you need to feel our bond"

Just a small note insert from one of my cards...

This is just a small dose of some of the encouragement that Trent left me. And it really does help. You know you have a problem when in the midst of your breakdown , you don't know which card to pick to "pick you back up". I know, I know. First world problems. However. I decided that a card wasn't going to help, the book would just intensify the situation. So I called for help. HA! If you don't have a best friend like mine, the you are truly missing out. Within minutes, she had me laughing and missing her all at the same time! She reminded me that being strong doesn't always meankeeping a straight face and going about my day . Allowing tears, and heartache is just as strong as pushing through it. Sometimes its being told from someone from the outside looking in to realize that. Not only did I get my pick me up during that phonecall, but later that evening she posted on my facebook wall - I know, facebook junkies. This is what she  posted:

I have to agree.

Doing my 'thang' right now, and choosing to be strong. It may not be the only choice I have but it is the only choice I'm taking.

Trent, today/tonight it's just as simple to say that I love you. I miss you. And I can't wait for this to be over.

<3 me.

Out with the old - In with the New...

Change. Whew. There has been alot of change occuring in the past couple of days. Obviously the biggest (so far), Trent deploying. But I totally cut my hair yesterday. 5 Inches, lots of layers, freshened up my side bangs... I went from a blunt, straight cut to funky fresh. I cannot wait to skype the hubs - for his honest opinion. (On a humorous side note: In last night's 'nightly' email to T, I absolutely told him I chopped ALL my hair off. I made it seem like it was completely drastic. Whenever that broken system delivers that email - he's gonna FLIP! This man is obsessed with my loooooong hair, and I can't blame him, I like it too. I am always on the edge of my seat for an email but ever since I sent that imparticular one - I'm about to die! Cannot wait to hear his response!)

 I have/am starting a Biggest Loser: Deployment Edition group amongst our FRG. I have been steadily going to the gym for a while now, however, Today? Good lawd. I got on that elliptical and I owned it. In my head, I saw a 130lb woman - strong and tough - tearing up that machine. I acted like I had been doing this for months - like I was the trainer. LOL. I got a fantastic workout in, needless to say - tomorrow's probably going to suck. I'm changing the way I look. I'm ready to fit into my skinny jeans. I made an eye appointment for new glasses at the end of the week -"help me, Tom Cruise, Help me - Oprah Winfrey". And let's hope I choose a 'classy' pair of spectacles. I even took over and rearranged a friends living room today. She was such a trooper. AND I managed to buy an oversized easy chair for the living room from her - that matches perfectly - that I have been looking for, for what seems like forever.

I am engulfed in the essence of change. I love it. And I'm kinda scared. I typically almost always have marched to the beat of my own drum, but lately that drum is beating a bit more sassy and free than usual! There is nothing else to attribute this too, other than deployment. That - or I'm getting really close to turning 30 and my inner adolescence is fighting back. However, It's happening and I'm embracing it! Let's just all hope that I don't go insane and get my nose pierced or something!

Today, on Facebook, (Duh.) I came across this:

Yep. That about somes up the way I feel tonight.

Mr. Parrish,

I wish I could say I'm sorry for pulling your leg about my haircut - but come on, I got a very needed laugh out of it all. And let's face it, sometimes you just need a good laugh. Thank you for giving me the chance to embrace change in my life. Even though this situation isn't ideal nor desired; I will more than likely never have to do it again. Amidst, the loneliness, tears, sacrificed holidays, I see confidence to assemble furniture and make rash (but safe/responsible) decisions. I see FUN and excitement. I see a massive increase in my line dance knowledge. (wink-wink) I see growth in our marriage, a thinner me with a better haircut, and fantastic *red peacoat* (whhhhhhat!)  at the Homecoming. I told you, I was getting sassy. Ok.... Sassy-er. I'm off to bed - this was a late night post - which as you know is not out of the usual for me. Missing you like crazy tonight. Wish you were here, for all the craziness. <3

I love you.

Mrs. Parrish 

Round 2

Ugh.

The past few "bonus" days (which is what the "boat wives" and myself have been calling them) felt like a dream. Even though the guys had been gone for about only a week - when that man walked through the gate at the end of the pier - my heart skipped a beat.  So full of mixed emotions - a little anger and a little excitement. Needless to say - I'm grateful. We were able to talk, laugh, and cry. I was able to get his help/advice on some issues... It was just nice. We even got a weekend day to sleep in and enjoy. Never saw that coming. 

Being a military spouse - "Goodbyes" are a very big part of your life. If you know me, I don't do goodbye's well. I never have. It's just a part of who I WAS. Since moving here, and Trent transferring to Sea Duty - much to  my dismay, Goodbye's have always seemed to be right around the corner. As crazy as it sounds, I'm so happy to say that I'm done with goodbyes for the next few months - the countdown to a port call and HOMECOMING have commenced in full force.

Every wife/girlfriend/fiance deals with the farewell's differently. That I learned pretty quickly. Even down to the Underway's that last only a few days. There are seasoned wives that seem to be able to transition really quickly and not shed a tear, (although - I know ya'll go home and cry your eyes out - you ladies are just trying to act all hard HA!) Then there are others who say goodbye, give their husbands a hug/kiss and simply cry when dropping their sailors off, then leave.  Then you have  the crazy's. The ones that say their goodbyes, kiss/hug, write the farewell letter, cry - wait, I mean the UGLY cry - and plant their butt at the end of the pier and WAIT until the boat is no longer in sight.  I. Am one. Of. Those CRAZY'S. The cat is out of the bag - but really? How hard was it for ya'll to guess that one?! I have a process for everytime Trent leaves and as sad as it is, I follow it to a "T". Trent even throws me the "I love you" sign before he decends into the Hatch/or gets to the point when I can't see him anymore.  Ya know? This sign....

It's always my favorite part of the farewell process. So sweet. Anyhow, as I talked, kissed, and hugged my chief goodbye that day (for the 2nd time - he'd better stay gone until he can come home for good, I tell ya.) for the first time, since we attached to the boat - I felt seasoned. And as seasoned as I felt, I'll never be able to be the wife that just transitions, or just says their goodbyes and leaves. The leaving/grieving process for me is almost therapuetic...I have to know the boat is gone. And apparently I need physical confirmation.  For those of you interested - this is what it looks like:

**   TO  my other wifey's the time/tag/geographics is turned off on this video to be in line with OPSEC. "Loose Lips Sink Ships"

There are other "crazy's" in the car with me - I really don't talk to myself. However, at times, I've been known to yell/talk to inanimate objects that cannot respond back during Underways/Deployments.

Last but not least - Sweet husband - whenever the time comes for you to be able to read and catch up on this blog  (As hard as this day was, ugh - even the second time around) I'm so proud to be your "crazy". I know we both act like loon's before you leave.... Ok. I act like a loon before you leave, and I'm sorry. Thank you for being my hero. Thank your for being such an example to Eloise and Mills. Thank you for selflessly giving yourself for our country and establishing a solid future and foundation for our family. You truly are amazing and I absolutely cannot wait to be in your arms again soon. The twins realize your gone again - and we both know that's the hardest part. But we are staying busy and loading up the schedule with things to do, places to go, and people to see. Today they were great. We kept Nathaniel for a while for Re - and went to the commissary for groceries. The looks I was getting pushing the double stroller and carrying Nate in the B'journ Front Carrier - it was pretty humorous. Whew. Can't wait to have another one.... or two. HA! We had our usually guests for dinner tonight - I made a roast and afterwards, Weez and Mills helped me with the dishes. So cute.

I love you sweet man, and miss you more than words can describe. Waiting here, until you return. See you in my dreams....

Me.

Never trust a Submariner's schedule....

It took me more than a few days to post my first blog post after Trent left. And the night I finally worked up enough courage, I went to bed a little sad - wishing he was there to cuddle with and run some certain surprising situations by and well, just relax. Much to my surprise - things were about to change. For OPSEC reasonings, I can only say I received "word" stating that the boat would be returning within a certain time period and to wait for my husband to call/contact me. At first I was a little nervous, maybe even a little scared. Questions just racing through my head, "What in the world is going on?", and "MY husband better not be hurt!" - - WHY?! Why did they have to come back here? Do I want to let him come home - if liberty is given? (OKAY - you crazy civilian women - I'm sure ya'll are saying, 'Abigail's gone crazy - why wouldn't she want her husband home even if for a few more days?!' Well, my fellow Navy-wifer's GET ME.)  I absolutely worked so hard to get where I was, after he left. And to be down right honest, I was doing GOOD. I had NO interest in telling him goodbye all over again. Saying goodbye was extremely hard the first time, the second already seems to be unbearable. 

HOWEVER. Long story short - something needed to be fixed on the boat, that required them to be here.... and my husband was able to sleep in my bed last night. I cannot say how long he will be here or how things will change in the next coming days, but rest assured I will be eating up all of this extra precious time with a man that is truly loved so dearly.

Oh and here's to hoping that this goodbye goes a little smoother than the first....  

Mrs. Parrish

(Snuggle time on the couch!)

And so it begins....

Deployment: the distribution of forces in preparation for battle and/or work.

I will be writing this for the sole purpose of communication with my husband, Trent. It is my goal to post daily if not more than once a day, depending on how the day unfolds. Bear with me, as sometimes this will be written straight to him, and others, as a journal. I am willingly putting my heart, feelings, emotions, and daily progress in a very public forum - in hopes that somebody somewhere can have something to read and relate. Gearing up to deployment, reading other's blogs and doing research helped "prepare" me for as much as you can "prepare" for a deployment. Without further adieu....

(Deep Breathes) So. It's been more than a few days since you left.  I couldn't stand to start writing right away. Trust me, those first few days weren't blog/journal worthy. I wouldn't have wanted the fly on the wall to know how exactly those first days were. Standing on that pier, saying what felt to be our last goodbyes indefinitely at the time, and watching you walk away (just typing this out takes my breath away) is not one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - IT IS the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've lost my dad to cancer, been robbed - kidnapped, even - pregnant and alone with TWINS.... the list goes on and on. Watching the man you love walk away for duty is beyond difficult....UNLESS, the love between you two is bigger than the deployment itself. That day was so hard. The tears were inevitable after watching you say your sweet goodbyes to Eloise and Mills. Those small quiet moments in the car outside the pier so early that morning made me speechless. (For those of you that REALLY know me, know that is a very hard task to accomplish) The moments just kept flying by, so fast. Too fast. The next thing you know, we were standing in front of the last gate to the pier, clutching onto each other as if we weren't going to ever hold each other again. You turned walked through the gate, and proceeded down the pier, never looking back. At first, I was a little annoyed by that, and now? I am so glad you never did. I couldn't have watched you cry too.  I watched you walk all the way to the sub - before moving from where I was standing. Never have I felt such pride and such heartbreak all in the same moment. I cried as the boat sat there for what seemed like days - Never trust a submariner's schedule; it will always change - and cried as you pulled away so strong and fierce, ready for whatever it is that called you away for duty. I won't go into how the rest of my afternoon went, but it was quite....epic. Needless to say, I decided a minor breakdown was on the schedule and I fully intended the schedule to be adhered to. 

Side Story (for those of you who don't already know): Trent left me a box of gifts, gift cards, presents, candy, wine, a million hallmark cards, and.... a recorded storybook of our "love story" in his voice with pictures of us, telling our story through his eyes. He wrote me a "goodbye" letter and asked that I go home the day he left to find the book and read it. Well, I did. The whole time I am listening to this book, I talked back. He'd say I love you, and I'd say it back - and so on. Like a freaking loon. Sobbing like a NUTCASE. After I finished listening, I sat there for a minute, until sitting there wasn't enough. I threw the book on the floor and started cursing him. "TRENT PARRISH - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" LOL.... It's funny now, but then, woooo-weeeeee. I'm glad no one was there to witness that moment. Long story short, the book went to the top of the fridge and stayed there until the next day. I woke up the following morning, made my coffee, sat at the kitchen table - caught a glimpse of the book, and absolutely couldn't resist myself. I cautiously opened the book, and pressed the first button. I made it through the entire book with a ginormous smile on my face. ---- I love you husband, and you know me too well. You knew I'd need to hear your voice, you knew I'd need that comfort, that special moment - just you and me - whether it's over coffee, a glass of wine, when I'm sad, or just headed to bed for the night. I couldn't be more blessed to be your wife and hope that you feel my love right now, where ever you are in the world.

It's been more than a few days, and I'm finally ready to talk about it. My mind knows this is only a piece of our lives and the time is relatively short in the time span of what some deployments can be, but my heart tends to think that it is astronomically much longer than I am capable of.  I am starting to consider every day that comes to an end is one more day closer to you. That is helpful - even though 1 day to almost two-hundred days - - SUCKS. Today was overcast and rainy, and it's finally starting to hit me that you won't be here to cuddle when it gets cold. I cook WAY to much for one person and leftovers are going to be the death of me. For the first time, since leaving Charleston and moving here, I feel home here. I am more comfortable here - didn't think I'd ever say that, now did ya, babe? I've learned that living a Submariner's life - is going to make a WOMAN out of me. I've learned I CAN fix the cable box. Even as big as that spider was, I am capable of squishing it to death with every muscle in my body. 

I miss you. There are no other words to say. My heart is aching for your return. When I lay down at night, and close my eyes, I can almost hear you breathing right next to me, telling me everything is going to be alright and we are one day closer to the finish line. I would do anything to hear your voice right now... So I guess I will pull that recorded book you made for me off the top of the fridge, close my eyes, and listen. 

See you in my dreams... <3