CPO

Whew. Let's see if I can actually get everything out tonight, Trent. The email you sent for today was so special. Sometimes, I'm convinced you are just a dream. But everytime I open my eyes, you are still my reality. ( I know, BARF, ya'll. It's true, though!)

 

Just one of the few pictures from "pinning" day.

 

One year ago today, the day you put on your anchors. Oh dear, I'm already crying. This day changed your life, changed your career, it changed everything. We've been through alot of changes since you put on your anchors, but one thing it has NOT changed is the man who earned them. I treasure that about you. I remember that day like it was yesterday - you had been up all night, doing god knows what, "earning" those anchors, just as you had been the 6 weeks prior. You were exhausted and bruised. I was so nervous walking into that auditorium. Was I dressed appropriately? Would I be able to get the anchor's straight on your collar? AGH - just thinking about it makes me remember those nerves! And Kasie Roach - gosh, she was a rockstar. SO helpful.  And man, did I cry like a little girl (as always) as you walked away a Chief. So proud of you. So so proud to be your wife. It was a fantastic day. We went to lunch and you slept the rest of the day away until your "I did it!" party at Poe's Tavern - our spot.

Poe's Tavern - look how tired you still looked. I love this picture of us.

 

We had always talked about getting married. I knew from the moment we met - I was going to marry you. I remember our first "official" date and how you told me you WERE going to marry me. It wasn't but a few weeks later you were notified that you were a CPO selectee, and the 6 weeks of "fun" started. You were so focused and dedicated to being successful. I learned alot from you during this time and alot about myself. We went through some tough times and came out stronger... together. You worked so hard to achieve goals that to most seemed impossible. It was such a special time in your life. It will always be one of my "top of the list's" memories. It was this night at Poe's - after this milestone - that I realized the adventure I was about to embark on...

 

The email you wrote for tonight blew me away.

Just an excerpt...

 

"You should get this email around the 16th of September. You know the resemblence of this day. It was the epitome of my naval career, but at the same time it was the beginning of the "hell of the boat". The reason I bring this up is, you pushed me through transition season.  You were my motivation and my drive... just like you are now.  This is the hardest time of my life being away from you.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I know you. You hate this life right know and despite how it sounds, tbe fact that you are pushing through says you love me more than anything in this world. That is the best feeling known to man.  Our love is like none other than I have ever seen.  It is that love that couples aspire to have. We have it... "

 

You are wrong. I love this life. I can't imagine living any other life than this. I wouldn't want it any other way. Of course Sea Duty is hard, but if it was easy - everyone would be doing it. This is making us stronger, more experienced, and dare I say, fall that much more in love with each other. You are protecting our family and protecting this country. Your service is honorable and as hard/difficult as it can be at times, I will always be here supporting you.  This time in our lives is hard. I hate being away from you more than you will ever know. I miss our conversations. I miss your smile. I miss your prescence. (honestly right now - i just miss your up-to-date emails - come on already!) I love you more than anything, Trent. This is God's plan. And we both know His plan is much better than our own. You are literally 'pulling' me through this deployment. You are bringing me through with your love. Eh, well the cards are nice too, and the book... Okay and the emails.... Let's just say - your love surrounds me on a daily basis. I can't wait to be at the end of this - so we can look back and say "We spanked the dirty d-words BUTT!" Dare I say, we might even be thankful when all is said and done. Okay - I can't go that far. Not yet!

 

So now that I've documented this day - I can write you the email I've been wanting to write since I started this blog post. I can't let these 'crazies' in on all our conversations.  Get ready, babe. I'm a hotmess. It's sure to be filled with more than enough emotion. ;-)

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE NEW CHIEFS!

HONOR, COURAGE, & COMMITMENT

 

 



Sweet Weez

Trent.

I've been having a "trying" couple of days lately.  I've just felt so overwhelmed and not quite sure why. I haven't been able to pinpoint it yet. So I was having what I thought was a private "mini" meltdown tonight - yes, the ugly cry, because when I'm done, I feel SO much better - until Eloise appeared at the bottom of the stairs. I waited until after I'd put them to bed and thought they were asleep. Much to my surprise, Weez was still up. The conversation went a little like this:

Weez: Mommy, why you crying so bad?
Me: Well, Mommy misses Daddy is all. It's been a long day for Mommy - it's okay, Weezy.
Weez: Its going to be ok - daddy's boat is coming back. He always comes back. No cry so hard, mommy.
Me: I know, Weez. My heart already feels better.
Weez: Daddy loves you, Mommy. Don't cry. He's coming back.
Me: I love you baby, thank you for making mommy feel better....
Weez: It's okay. I still love you too.

Baby. She blew me out of the water tonight. I didn't want to forget that conversation which is why I'm "blogging" it for you. I am so lucky to have her as a daughter. She is always so positive about everything. I hope she never loses her positive heart - it is beyond beautiful, even when she's in trouble. Which lately? She has been. We are so blessed to have such incredible children. We love you tonight, and miss you bunches. But like Weezy said, You're coming back and it's just a matter of time....



Love you forever, and then some....
Me.

BBSMF

Okay, yea. I'm sure your wondering what the title of this blog actually means. Trent, I'm sure you are wondering too, however at this point in our relationship you should already have become knowledgeable of this term.

BBSMF is truly a term of endearment. It cannot be used in any ordinary situation. 

B - Bestie

B - Boo

S - Sister

M - Momma

F - Friend

There are PLENTY more picture of us - but you get the "gist" =)

Okay, I know we aren't in high school anymore. But if you knew the story of how this lady and I became BBSMF's you'd understand. I know you know, where I'm going with this Trent. Just be patient. ;-) 

I have the greatest friend a girl could ask for. She's been there through EVERYTHING, and the situations, haven't always been "inviting". We are joined by extremely "hard to understand" (or so we are told) life events. We have children that are siblings.  We didn't know each other prior to all of our children being born, but you'd think we had been friends since the schoolyards. She is my bestie. She is my Boo. She is my sister. In most situations, she is my momma. But she is and will always be my best friend. She is the one I cry too when all S&*^ hits the fan, she is the one I call to laugh with, and no matter how much time goes by between hearing her voice/seeing her - I think about her everyday. When we are blessed to have the time to chit-chat (aka: listen to me cry) or see each other, it's as if time has never passed. She's strong, smart, beyond kind, funny, and absolutely adorable with her "tervis" (Dt. Cherry Pepsi) in hand... (at all times). I couldn't have asked for a better soulmate. 

 

When Trent and I started dating, he knew that Kacey would be the one to "win over" or it was a no-go. Of course, the mom, the brother, the family - - but everyone knows, if the BF doesn't like him? He ain't staying. He has ALWAYS respected the relationship that I have with her and he even thinks she's kinda cool... (He had better!) Anyhow, it only makes since why he chose her to bless me during this "silent" time apart from each other. When Trent is gone, I thrive on his e-mails. I wait for them on the daily - they are my life source when he is gone. During this deployment, the majority of our communication has been cut off... completely, and for VERY long periods of time. My first initial thought was, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" (Selfish, I know) SO,  He decided then that he wasn't going to disappear completely.... 

Today I recieved an email, from Trent - from Kacey (my BBSMF). Trent pre-wrote more than a few emails for her to send to me at specific times during this silent period. Even though I know they are not "current" and "up to date" - they are from him. I cannot control when they come, I can't open them all at once. They all have a purpose. He chose my BF to be the deliver-er of these messages and that makes me fall in love even more than before (If that was even possible)

Here is an excerpt from my first "silent" email:

 This is email one.  I miss you like crazy.  I know this time is going to suck, but I know we can push through it and I am looking forward to seeing you before you know it.  I hate this as much as you do, I promise. ............... want to cuddle with you. Well I will get you another email, before you know it! 

I love you
Trent

Of course there is plenty I'm NOT going to share - - besides.... who needs a sobfest?!  


KACEY. Thank you for blessing me with your friendship today, and everyday. I'm so grateful to have a friend, that not only supports me, but loves me like family. I, too, hope to be the friend to you that you have always been for me. Besides, you're stuck with me.... Got it?!

Trent - You are incredible. Thank you for going the extra mile and preparing the way for me to "get through" this crappy part of this "adventure". And you better thank your lucky stars that my BBSMF came up with this idea to share with you. (wink wink) I love you baby. Can't wait to read the next one! Because it means I'm one more day closer to being with you!



"Life ain't always beautiful, but's it a beautiful ride."

A. Parrish

"Do it like a Submarine"

This is too precious not to share!

And baby, I can't wait for you to be able to see this!

We've spent ALOT of time at the pool lately, visiting home in Charleston. For those of you that don't know, Mills is OBSESSED with his daddy's submarine. It's the coolest thing EVER. He has a submarine toy, a submarine on his croc's, everytime we talk about daddy, there is a submarine in the conversation. He is so proud of his daddy.... and his submarine. LOL. It warms my heart and I know, Trent is makes your heart burn with pride. He loves you so much. You are the most incredible father. We are so blessed to be loved so greatly by you. ANYHOW - this was our most recent "submarine" moment!

Listen to him say, "Submarine" - - So sweet. 

Eloise is hysterical - she was wearing double floaties because she was trying to swim like a mermaid - all up in the video's business! Goodness....

Le sigh.... going through the motions....

So. A brief overview of what's been going on before I jump in and "LOSE MYSELF" in this so-called therapeutic blog. I'm in Charleston visiting family/friends. I came down last Thursday and have honestly had such a great time being here. Typically coming home when Trent is out to sea is very difficult for me. I miss being in our home where his stuff is and where the pictures of us have vomitted all over our walls... However, this time around, it's been relaxing, helped pass the time, and has been healing for the soul. We plan on staying for a few more days before it's back to reality, but I see another trip very near in the future for the Parrish Family.

Ah. Home Sweet Home.

That being said, DEPLOYMENT SUCKS. I'm completely OVER it, and we aren't even halfway there... I know. I am just having a bad day and this too shall pass. But right now in this moment - I REALLY wish I could throw something at that IRON VESSEL. Okay - maybe not, but if I could dream it, that would be fantastic. Or how about this for starters, I'd just like a good dream. I haven't slept good in over a MONTH. I'm exhausted, sad, and REALLY hangry. My mother has been a godsend. Just having her help the past few days has been almost life changing. Oh what would I do with out my MOM?! 

Trent, 

The days are sllloooowwwwwly dragging by. As I sit here and type through the tears, all I can see is your SHAVED head in my mind. You have officially been gone longer than you ever have before. I don't even know why I cry anymore. I know it's my reality that you aren't here, you won't be here, and it's just life right now. I know its "sad", and somedays I just can't help but cry. It's unbelievably frustrating. I cannot wait to live a "normal" life where trying to get pregnant is fun, deciding what's for dinner becomes a problem, flipping a coin to decide what we do for the weekend is the result of an argument (lol), watching you fall asleep just before your show starts because you are exhausted, and waking up to your alarm to go to work only to kiss you, help you out the door and fall back asleep before the twins wake up again. At least that's OUR normal. I have been thinking about you nonstop. I don't even know what time of day you are in, whether you are sleeping, working, doing paperwork, thinking about us.... This whole life is discombobulating. I think about you going to bed in your rack....alone. I just want to hold you, squeeze you tight and remind you of how great of a man you truly are. You are so loved, husband. So, so loved. I've really enjoyed being home this time around, yet hanging with our married friends down here is still hard. The questions suck. I hate that I can't truly explain our life/lifestyle in terms that they can understand. I wish so badly to come back with you by my side. You always make things easy. You take all my worries away. I haven't heard from you for a while now, which means I won't for a LONG while now. I miss the thought that the next time I hear you, much less communicate with you is months away. I cannot wait for that day. Small victories lead to greatly won battles, right? Isn't that what you told me...? Ok, it was something like that. I'm snuggling up to your shirt tonight, it doesn't stink anymore =(, but I know you were the last one to be wrapped up in it and that makes all the difference. Even though tonight was a bad night, and the tears have fallen like a late summer rainstorm, I know tomorrow is a new day, and I cannot wait for it to start, good or bad. It's just one day closer to you. And that? That I am okay with. 

I love you. I miss you. Meet me in my dreams, sailor. I really need a good dream. ;-)

Your wife -

Mrs. Parrish