Strength

Obviously, I have been pretty busy the past few days and haven't had the time to 'post'. It really isn't that I haven't had the time - more of, that when the time comes, I'm exhausted. Like, I got in the bed with socks on, never took them off, and passed out with them on, kinda tired.. If  YOU can sleep with socks on your feet, we have bigger problems than originally considered. (I just shuttered in disgust.) It's always easiest for me to be busy when T leaves. The days pass by quicker than the norm when my schedule is filled. HOWEVER, the lack of sleep has killed me. I'm literally sitting up straight in bed as I type this. (Shaking my head) - Have mercccy.  Email was non-existent this past week. However, by the weekend, I started recieving a few here and there.

I honestly believe that one of the hardest things about a deployment is gearing up and getting ready for the seperation. The emotional roller coaster of "what's to come" and "how will I feel", "did I get everything taken care of - for him, for me, for us, for the kids, for the house, the bills, the Power of Attorny", "am I mad at him?", "why him, why us" .... etc...  This time was so HARD for me. From the moment we found out he was deploying until the day he left, I was like a ticking time bomb. My poor husband, now that's LOVE. Nothing about a deployment is easy. EXCEPT for the HOMECOMING. That WILL be easy. I'm confident in that. This job, a military spouse, is not for the weak. It requires a strength like no other.  A strength, when at times when preparing for this deployment, I wasn't sure I possessed. I know I'm a strong woman, but how strong? There are even moments now, when that strength seems to be missing.

Yesterday, towards the end of the day - I started to get that feeling. You know, that feeling, girls. The one deep down in the pit of your heart, when you aren't sure if the tears are going to surface or not. It takes your breath away and you instantly feel alone, helpless, and in dire need of a good helping of good chocolate. Well, I can't have chocolate right now, cause I'm trying to be the BIGGEST LOSER! So I went through the card pile that Trent left for me, for specific moments like this.

"For you and the kids before bedtime"

"When the weather has you down"

"Open when it is raining"

"When you are feeling Patriotic"

"When we feel worlds apart"

"When you find yourself counting the days"

"When you need to feel our bond"

Just a small note insert from one of my cards...

This is just a small dose of some of the encouragement that Trent left me. And it really does help. You know you have a problem when in the midst of your breakdown , you don't know which card to pick to "pick you back up". I know, I know. First world problems. However. I decided that a card wasn't going to help, the book would just intensify the situation. So I called for help. HA! If you don't have a best friend like mine, the you are truly missing out. Within minutes, she had me laughing and missing her all at the same time! She reminded me that being strong doesn't always meankeeping a straight face and going about my day . Allowing tears, and heartache is just as strong as pushing through it. Sometimes its being told from someone from the outside looking in to realize that. Not only did I get my pick me up during that phonecall, but later that evening she posted on my facebook wall - I know, facebook junkies. This is what she  posted:

I have to agree.

Doing my 'thang' right now, and choosing to be strong. It may not be the only choice I have but it is the only choice I'm taking.

Trent, today/tonight it's just as simple to say that I love you. I miss you. And I can't wait for this to be over.

<3 me.